tonight is a tough night. i am totally emotionally deflated. it has set in that we have one more week together as a family. ONE WEEK. just makes me sad. :( i don't know how i will manage without ryan and that hit me at bedtime tonight when will was being a very very strong willed (no pun intended) on not laying down. in the chaos of his hour long tantrum, reality set in and it sucked. i realized it wouldn't be long before i was doing this alone. by myself. and frankly, that freaks the crap out of me. tonight will said after he calmed down: "go, daddy. to iwak. on a airoplane." he gets it. and then he told ryan, "wanna cuddle you, daddy." seriously. my heart broke. at two years old he understands that daddy has to go work in iraq and won't be here, so he better get his snuggles in now. gggggahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
i know i don't even have it that bad, and i know that thousands of moms have done this before me. but i'm still scared. because this is my family. and it hurts.
this next week will have a lot of ups and downs, highs and lows. i know that god will be holding my hand and at times holding me completely in his arms. and i am so thankful that i can be comforted by his love. and also thankful for technology and that we can still see/hear/talk to ryan when he's on the other side of the world. so thankful for that.
finding comfort in the lyrics of a favorite hymn:
Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my Father,
There is no shadow of turning with Thee;
Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not
As Thou hast been Thou forever wilt be.
Great is Thy faithfulness! Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see;
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided—
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!
Summer and winter, and springtime and harvest,
Sun, moon and stars in their courses above,
Join with all nature in manifold witness
To Thy great faithfulness, mercy and love.
Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth,
Thy own dear presence to cheer and to guide;
Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,
Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!