6.08.2011

never say never.

i find myself saying that a lot. i'll never do this...i could never do that...i'll never live there. 
some of my best "i nevers" are probably the ones where god laughed and said, 
"oh, ye of little faith...trust me, child." 

my sassy 18 year old self had everything decided.
"i' could never go to school at unk. it's too small." 
and one year after going to unl and deciding it was too big i switched campuses and met 
the love of my life a month after school started. 

"i could never be married to an army guy."
well...obviously not true.

"i will never stay in nebraska..." 
we tried living in seattle for almost 2 years and look where we are now.  :)

and the best one yet: 
"i could never be pregnant while ryan is deployed, that could never ever happen." 
24 weeks into my third pregnancy and 6 months into ryan's deployment....ha!

i think it's beginning to sink in. 
as i was pondering about what ryan will do career wise when he gets home from iraq, 
i found myself again, making a list of i nevers. telling myself exactly what we will do and exactly what we/he could never do or where we could never live. 
and it kind of hit me...oh wait, that's totally not up to me. i can make as many choices as i want and they will ultimately lead me to whatever plan god already has in place for me and for our family. 

i've been leaning far too much on myself and not relying enough on god. 
i forget that He is the One who can bring me through anything and it's only because of Him that i will be well cared for. He's already got it all worked out. it's a humbling thing, man...giving up control.
now's as great a time as any...

i hate to say this scripture is overused...but it's message rings true and clear. 
and tonight these words are feeding my heart.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 
-jeremiah 29:11-13








1 comment:

Ohhhhhh Alicia said...

Amen Ru! It is hard to let go and have faith that whatever God wants for us is what is best. It is scary to not have a "plan" for our lives, but it is also comforting to know that GOD does have a plan for us and it is amazing and beautiful. I have been in that same place in my life and it is a struggle everyday to let go of the reigns, but I have little by little and I am feeling more at peace everyday. I still struggle with it everyday and I AM getting better, but having family and friends in our lives that are on the same path does help. I feel so blessed to have you in my life and thank God everyday that he put you in my life. I pray for you and your family everyday and know that he will continue to bless your family, even though it seems like they are blessings in disguise at times. I love you all!